I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
