i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
