You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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