It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
