actually, I'm a sock model
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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