i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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