I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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