my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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