I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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