it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
