I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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