Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
