If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
