I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
