I cut my penus on the lid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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