MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
