I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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