and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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