ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
