So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
