Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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