I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
