Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
