I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
