My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize