He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
