Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
