are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize