Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they need to just BURY HIM!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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