Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
