you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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