I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
