Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
