her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize