Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
