It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They took my balls.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
