Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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