Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
