You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
