Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dicks are not precious.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
