Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
