Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
