In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize