why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
