Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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