I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
