What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
