I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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