Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
