hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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