Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
