i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
