It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
