Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
