is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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