Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
