I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
