I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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