I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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