The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
