I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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