Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All the doctor said was why
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
