god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
