I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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