I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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