I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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