I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize