Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
