The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He has the fingertips of a God
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