there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
