GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
