I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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