Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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