see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
