I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
