the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The power of my boobs compel you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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