And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My liver just had a heart attack.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
