If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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